Pamela Stratton — Apr 04, 2020
My husband and I met and fell in love on matchFLR. We could see that other academic couples had a hard time finding jobs in the sa…
My husband and I met and fell in love on matchFLR. We could see that other academic couples had a hard time finding jobs in the same city, unless one person, usually the woman, was less ambitious.
He told me that if I wanted a tenure-track job, he'd go wherever I got one. He'd be happy working as an adjunct and playing the supporting role for my carer.
I believed him because he loved to cook and do housework. He even likes grocery shopping, which I can't stand.
When the kids came along, we shared the work pretty equally. During the pregnancy (of course) and first months I did more and took some time off, but afterward he was the one with more flexible schedule.
I've never felt constrained in my career. I can work late, travel, and pretty much do what I want, knowing that my husband is doing what he wants.
His teaching is fulfilling for him, but his real calling in life is doing whatever I need him to do. I would have been willing to share the cooking and housework, but I'm happy let him take care of all that.
I do manage our finances, partly because I'm better at doing it, but also because I like being on top of them.
As for decision making, we decide all important financial and parenting matters together, but in other areas, when we disagree, I know I can have the last word if I want to.
I don't "pull rank" very often, but I appreciate knowing that I can.
When I do, my husband is disappointed at first, but that disappointment quickly fades, and he loves seeing me assert myself in this way.
He won't pretend to prefer ballroom dancing to football, but if I put my foot down, he'll not only be happier watching the dancing with me, he'll ask me if he can rub my feet while we watch.
The best thing is that both my husband and I are able to play the roles that we really want to play
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My husband and I met and fell in love on matchFLR. We could see that other academic couples had a hard time finding jobs in the same city, unless one person, usually the woman, was less ambitious.
He told me that if I wanted a tenure-track job, he'd go wherever I got one. He'd be happy working as …
My husband and I met and fell in love on matchFLR. We could see that other academic couples had a hard time finding jobs in the same city, unless one person, usually the woman, was less ambitious.
He told me that if I wanted a tenure-track job, he'd go wherever I got one. He'd be happy working as an adjunct and playing the supporting role for my carer.
I believed him because he loved to cook and do housework. He even likes grocery shopping, which I can't stand.
When the kids came along, we shared the work pretty equally. During the pregnancy (of course) and first months I did more and took some time off, but afterward he was the one with more flexible schedule.
I've never felt constrained in my career. I can work late, travel, and pretty much do what I want, knowing that my husband is doing what he wants.
His teaching is fulfilling for him, but his real calling in life is doing whatever I need him to do. I would have been willing to share the cooking and housework, but I'm happy let him take care of all that.
I do manage our finances, partly because I'm better at doing it, but also because I like being on top of them.
As for decision making, we decide all important financial and parenting matters together, but in other areas, when we disagree, I know I can have the last word if I want to.
I don't "pull rank" very often, but I appreciate knowing that I can.
When I do, my husband is disappointed at first, but that disappointment quickly fades, and he loves seeing me assert myself in this way.
He won't pretend to prefer ballroom dancing to football, but if I put my foot down, he'll not only be happier watching the dancing with me, he'll ask me if he can rub my feet while we watch.
The best thing is that both my husband and I are able to play the roles that we really want to play
Read more
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